The Right Way to Load a Dishwasher

As an Inquiring Green, I have a lot of questions. A lot of time, I have questions for no good reason at all, and many of those have no right or wrong answers that have been debated by some of the world’s greatest minds for centuries; is a hot dog a sandwich? What’s more dangerous, a perturbed horse-sized duck or 250 perturbed duck-sized horses? Is there a CORRECT way to load a dishwasher? The last one makes me think of the late Michael Tudor. Way back when I was a fresh graduate, Michael certified me in Personality Dimensions® and this was one of the many real-life examples he used to show how the they worked. This one has always stuck with me; maybe it’s the way the Michael presented it, or maybe it just hit the nail because it perfectly showed a fundamental difference between me and my fiancée (now wife). No one can retell the same way as Michael, but I think I’ve captured the essence of what he was getting across.

Authentic Blues don’t just load a dishwasher; they compose it. There is an almost artistic quality to getting everything to fit just right. Plates become the foundation, bowls are positioned at just the right angle, and glasses have their place. Cutlery has an intentional presence about it, even though it’s about to be blasted with hot water for an hour.

When the last utensil is placed on the top rack, it is like the final brush stroke. They stand back for a moment and admire the result. It may not be efficient, optimal, or technically correct in everyone’s eyes, but it is perfection.

Authentic Blues have a strong sense of how things belong together. It’s less about following a traditional system and more about finding an arrangement that just feels right. This can occasionally result in rearranging someone else’s work.

“Why did you move that bowl?”

“Because it fit there.”

“Yes, but it didn’t feel right.”

Because apparently there are no wrong dishwashers, only misunderstood compositions.

Inquiring Greens look at loading a dishwasher with a healthy dose of curiosity about what might actually work best. There’s a lot of conflicting information (and misinformation) about dishwasher loading, and they want to know what we’re dealing with; don’t get them started on dishwasher deepfakes! Should the plates face the centre? Does it matter which way the bowls go? Are glasses really better on the top rack? Do spatulas even belong in there?

They experiment a little, move a few things around, and see what happens. After they’ve satisfied enough of their questions, even if they don’t know the credentials of the manual writer, they’ll hit start.

The never-ending quest to find the perfect way of loading a dishwasher will inevitably lead to Inquiring Greens rearranging what what someone else has already put in.

Why did you move all the plates?”

“They were blocking the spray arm.”

“They’ve always gone there.”

“Yes, but I don’t think that’s why they should keep being put in that spot. I found a better place.”

They aren’t necessarily trying to establish a universal law governing the placement of dinnerware (maybe I’ve said too much); they just noticed something that might work better and couldn’t quite leave it alone.

Organized Golds do, in fact, have a correct way to load a dishwasher. A perfectly good system is laid out in the user manual, and there is no need to conduct an experiment. Plates go here, bowls go there, glasses go on the top rack, and cutlery goes in the basket. Everything has a place, and once you’ve learned the system, please just follow the system.

It’s not complicated; it’s actually very practical. A dishwasher gets loaded efficiently, the available space gets used properly, and when it’s time to unload it, everything can be put away without having to figure out what someone was thinking. The problem is that other people keep interfering with the system.

“Why are the bowls facing that way?”

“Why is there a plate on the top rack?”

“Who put the knives in facing down?”

These are not simple questions; they’re failures of the process.

For Organized Golds, loading a dishwasher isn’t a chore. It’s an opportunity to restore order to a world that has clearly lost its way.

Resourceful Oranges flip the question from “What’s the right way?” to “Will it fit?” Is there still room? Put something else in. Is the dishwasher technically full? That’s not really the question. Can something else fit? Then put it in! They aren’t really looking for dishwasher perfection. They want the dishes clean so everyone can get on with their lives.

It can take a bit of creativity, some questionable decisions, and occasionally break the laws of physics, but somehow it works. A large mixing bowl fits if you put it in sideways. A cutting board fits if you move three other things. That awkward casserole dish that everyone else has declared impossible? Not even a second thought before it slots right in.

“Are you sure that’s going to fit?”

“It’ll fit.”

“It doesn’t look like it’s going to fit.”

“It’ll fit.”

Then the dishwasher door closes; maybe not elegantly, maybe not according to the manufacturer’s recommendations, but it closes. If something doesn’t get clean, it goes back in for another ride.

So, what is the right way? It may just go down in infamy as one of the great questions of the universe that can never be answered. It has caused countless arguments between partners in a relationship, housemates, and coworkers. Michael Tudor was a shining example of Organized Gold, so he would have said to check the manual. While I may be an Inquiring Green, Resourceful Orange is a close second, and I like to throw everything in and hope for the best. A relationship therapist would probably say the best way to load a dishwasher is together, while a nihilist would say, “What dishwasher?” Maybe we’ll get to the point where technology will evolve and give us self-cleaning dishes before we can all agree on an answer.