For Canadians, apologizing is part of our national identity. Some may even say it’s one of our favourite national pastimes. We’re known worldwide for saying “sorry” when someone bumps into us; the courts even ruled that saying “I’m sorry” isn’t an admission of guilt because it’s such a big part of who we are. But beneath the surface of all this politeness, there’s more to an apology; Each of the four dimensions have different motivations for saying sorry, how they apologize, and what kind of apology they truly value
Authentic Blues value emotional sincerity and genuine understanding. They lead with empathy, and care deeply about harmony in relationships. If they hurt someone, intentionally or not, it is going to weigh heavily on them. Their apologies are more based in emotion, layered with understanding and remorse. They tend to go out of their way to make the other person feel heard and reassured. A generic or superficial apology won’t cut it for them, Authentic Blues need to know that the feelings involved are being acknowledged.
If you find yourself needing to apologize to an Authentic Blue, make sure you are open, honest, and don’t shy away from the emotional side of things. They’re not just listening to your words, they’re paying attention to how you said it.
Inquiring Greens value clarity, honesty and meaningful reflection. They are logical, analytical, and introspective, and don’t apologize lightly or automatically. They need time to reflect and determine whether an apology is truly needed. When it comes, their apology is well-thought-out, and they 100% mean it. Their tone might sound kind of cool, but their words are carefully chosen. Inquiring Greens don’t apologize just to smooth things over, they want to get to the root of the issue and understand it.
If you find yourself needing to apologize to an Inquiring Green, it’s very important to give them space to process, and not expect a response from them right away. Be clear and direct, and skip the drama. They’ll appreciate a logical and sincere approach.
Organized Golds value accountability, follow-through, and a plan for fixing the problem. For them, an apology is about integrity. Organized Golds take responsibility seriously, and when they believe they’ve broken a rule, fallen short of expectations, or let someone down, their apology is prompt and sincere. They usually follow up an apology with a clear plan to make things right, because for them, actions matter just as much as words. On the other hand, if they feel they’ve followed all the rules and still caused harm, it might take them a little longer to recognize the need for an apology.
If you find yourself needing to apologize to an Organized Gold, get straight to it, be honest, take ownership, and let them know how you’ll prevent it from happening again.
Resourceful Oranges value a quick response when problems come up, and moving on quickly without baggage. They live in the moment, and so do their apologies. They tend to say sorry quickly, casually, and with the hope of getting things back on track. But that doesn’t mean they are any less sincere than any of the other dimensions. Resourceful Oranges don’t like to dwell on mistakes, and they assume others don’t either. While their light-hearted tone can sometimes be misread as dismissive, Oranges usually mean well and are eager to move forward.
If you find yourself needing to apologize to a Resourceful Orange, keep it brief and sincere, and if you can, add a little humour to ease the tension.
No matter how polite we are as Canadians, the words “I’m sorry” land best when they’re said in a way the other person can hear. Understanding your own needs and the needs of the person you’re apologizing to, can make those two little words go a whole lot further. The next time you feel a “sorry” coming on, pause and consider: are you speaking their language, is it just a natural reflex?
Brad Whitehorn – BA, CCDP is a lifelong Introvert, and the Associate Director at CLSR Inc. He was thrown into the career development field headfirst after completing a Communications degree in 2005, and hasn’t looked back! Since then, Brad has worked on the development, implementation and certification for various career and personality assessments (including Personality Dimensions®), making sure that Career Development Practitioners and HR Professionals get the right tools to do their best work. Brad is also on the board of directors for the Career Professionals of Canada, and an advisory committee member with the Career Development Practitioners’s Certification Board of Ontario.
